Never Really Starting…

Exciting! Butterflies! Anxious! Motivated! A whole range of emotions are going through my mind right now as I make my first entry into this diary. There is a significant amount of fear since this project may actually force me to confront issues and areas that I want to avoid, but hopefully it will also make me accountable.

There is no hiding the fact that I have a procrastination problem. But I guess the purpose is that by keeping a consistent record of my process, I can learn from it, others can learn from it, and I can reflect and put into action some kind of change. Will I be very much different by the end of this? Well, let’s try to get there first.

Already, in this brief initial entry, many may have already noticed a problem. I keep on introducing and introducing, setting up, and preparing, and never getting to any core of the matter. In fact, I think this is true with many of my writing, and maybe why I never seem to follow through to any satisfactory completion.

I admit, I do a lot of preamble because I fear getting to the meat. Maybe I have no substance? Will people see my nakedness if I write to the point, revealing that I hold nothing of importance?

By the time I talk around everything, I feel like I’ve exhausted the topic and brainwashed myself into thinking that the quantity of words actually equate to a worthwhile effort.

Sobering. My whole life has been nothing more than a prelude of introductions! Useless piece of….

-Dawn

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