How to ‘Clean’ Your Toilet While ‘Using’ Your Toilet Simultaneously

If no time to read entire story, and you want a short cut version of the short cut, just go to the red parts for the quick tip.

Warning before you read on! I am certainly not promoting uncleanliness or a lack of hygiene. The short cut described below is simply a short cut, and certainly not meant for any long term solutions or for anyone to make a career out of it. If you do happen to make a habit out of it, and end up knee-deep in sh*t (not an exaggeration or a metaphor), you probably won’t find any permanent help here to get you out of the mess.

Is time making a mockery out of you again? If it’s another rush job on a weekday morning, then let’s consider this short cut to at least appease appearances until we return home or when the weekend arrives and we can duly devote more attention to the toilet. Yes, the toilet.

How many of us on those weekday mornings have the time to wait for the entire flush cycle to end or even to see your flush through after doing your duty? Raise your hands. Hmmm…no hands that I can see. Oh yes, sorry, a few in the back, probably because you are owners of faulty toilets that may continue to run so you are waiting to see if the water stops on its own. If not, you have to manually play with the chain or risk coming home to the sound of lost water and saying “Damn, that’s another increase to the water bill!” Oh, and there are some hands raised over there as well. You must be owners of big time poo. You are the unfortunate ones who need to wait on your respective toilets to see if the initial flush is successful, or if another one is needed, or if some plunging exercise will be the cause of late arrival to work.

As for the rest of us in the majority with your hands down (maybe near our pants because the current topic makes us squirmy or we have the urge to go…or just because…), maybe the following band-aid can work. If a family member, or roommate, or whoever is in the washroom before you, comes out in a hurry within seconds of flushing, and the washroom is inundated with that kind of stench, then be extra alert during your turn.

Chances are the previous person is in too much of a rush to take a close look at the efficiency of the flush. You, however, though in a ridiculous rush yourself, have come armed with a ready-made short cut strategy that can save time now and somewhat reduce strenuous efforts later. Indeed, the person before you left some poo residue on the sides of the toilet bowl that did not flush away. If left there for a long time, it will turn hard and cling with more determination to the bowl threatening to form a more permanent brown stain. With your quick thinking, you hold your pee and do the poo first, if necessary. 

Then with your pee, you aim at the sides of the toilet bowl hoping that your natural hose produces enough pressure to remove the brown leftovers more efficiently than a flush would. If you are efficient and a marksman, you in essence have used your toilet and made it cleaner at the same time. Certainly pee stains are more easily removed than poo stains from the sides of the toilet bowl.

If you have difficult generating enough pressure from your urine spray, then try to turn it up another level. For advice on how to do this, it’s better to go to Mr. Manly’s blog and ask him, as he’s full of insights on male methods.

Also, the short cut explained may be difficult for women to perform as I’m guessing it would be harder to aim. Again, can Mr. Manly provide a solution to help out the women in this situation?

Again, this is a temporary solution when you can’t fully scrub and clean your toilet on those weekday mornings. Enjoy the time savings and some of the laughs along the way. Happy toilet training!

-Patrick Law




Filed under Short Cuts

9 responses to “How to ‘Clean’ Your Toilet While ‘Using’ Your Toilet Simultaneously

  1. thefrozenpancake

    Wow. Just wow.

  2. Hello Frozen Pancake,
    What an interesting name! Definitely a name I would like to find out more about, and some of the potential meanings. When I hear more…I’m sure I’ll have some ‘wow’ expressions that you had after reading the post.

    I love your reaction. So few words, but…hmmm..can feel the jaw dropping. But, I’m still curious, what is wow. The cleaning? The short cut? The mere thought? Or the desperation in the ongoing battle against time?

    I’ve never tried frozen pancakes before; never even frozen them before. But, now you got me thinking…

  3. mistermanly

    Hi Patric,

    Not really being comfortable in the presence of the poo of others, I’d throw the mess maker back in the bathroom to clean it up. I do, however, enjoy testing my marksmanship by seeing how many laps I can force a cigar butt to make. My record is 8, but I had an unfair advantage that day as some friends and I were tasting, to extinction, a fresh five gallon batch of home brew.

    As to a woman’s chances at completing the task you describe, a contortionist would have a good chance. Otherwise, I suspect a catheter would be necessary.

    Mister Manly

  4. Welcome back Mr. Manly,
    Thanks for the advice. That cigar butt is definitely one I’ve never heard of before, but I’ll have to try. I usually don’t find any butts in the toilets I’ve been around, so maybe will have to find a substitute object and keep statistics on my scores. I’ll let you know if I even can approach the lofty number you were mentioning.

    We washroom many times a day, countless times a year, inordinate number of times a life, so may as well make some activities out of it. I’ll make sure to ask for your advice again when in need of gaming tips.

  5. Enna

    Frozenpancakes was a blog I used to read from 1996 on. It was on OpenDiary, and I kind of fell in love with the name.

    The comment WOW was because I couldn’t think of something that didn’t involve THAT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING.

    My blog is

  6. Hello Enna,
    Thanks for coming back and clarifying the ‘wow.’ Now, I understand, hehe, and there can be no mistake. Thanks for using it as an euphemism before to soften the tone a bit, but since I insisted on asking…hehe….yeh…I deserve getting the reality thrown right in my face.

    Thanks for the link to your blog. I’ll be sure to visit.

  7. Patrick,
    I admire your well thought out methods of staying on top of ‘crap’ but, could I introduce you to a lovely can of scrubbing bubbles? I am with Enna. (and I don’t think you want me to spell it out) 😉

  8. Hello Betme,
    Great to hear from you again. Yep, okay, point taken, hehe. With both you and Enna cringing a bit, I will have to consider adding heathier components to the short cuts I devise in the future.
    My sister also recommends, that overall, men should as much as possible, especially in the home, sit down. This is a good prevention tactic and takes out the bad aim factor. Maybe….

  9. Another Eureka moment hey?

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