Cheating On Each Other (With Each Other)

Do you remember the story of a couple who broke up from maybe half a year ago or even longer? (maybe from Bosnia, but I can’t quite remember) Okay, maybe it’s ridiculous of me to ask such a question to strain our memories on something that was far, far away from major news. I couldn’t find reference of the story when doing a database search of newspapers so, after reading this post, if anyone can point me toward a source, I would greatly appreciate it.

What’s the story? I heard it very briefly on the radio while driving home from work. I wanted to say something, I wanted to react, but at that time I did not have a blog, so my hands were tied. I yelled, but nothing happened.

So, my apologies for bringing back old news. For some reason something seemingly so trivial has stuck with me all this time. The story involves a couple – man and wife. Their relationship apparently was not going well, so they started listening to their inner temptations and considering other options. That means being open to meeting other people in secret.

The husband started an affair with a woman over the internet. The wife started an affair with a man over the internet. They both started to learn and get to know their new partners. As the respective online chatting increasingly became more intimate, face-to-face meetings could not be resisted and were eventually inevitable. The husband set up time and location for his appointment. The wife set up time and location for her appointment. When the time for the big meeting arrived, both the husband and wife reacted in total disbelief and shock. The husband saw his wife standing at the prearranged secret location. The wife, of course, saw here husband at her prearranged secret location. They have been, in essence, having an affair with each other all along!

The radio reported that the story ended sadly, with the two of them deciding on divorce after realizing they were cheating on each other. However, if you allow me to be an armchair marriage counselor for a few minutes, can I have a license to interpret the situation more positively and maybe suggest how the marriage can be strengthening rather than breaking apart?

Out of all the possible women to meet online, all over the world, the man ends up getting reacquainted with his wife. Out of all the possible men to meet online, the woman just happens to meet her husband. What are the chances? Instead of focusing on how they cheated on each other, how about looking at it from the point of view that they were cheating with each other? Having unlimited opportunities to meet someone, anyone, they ended up meeting each other again. Can it be like the Cornflakes cereal commercial of appreciating the taste of something familiar for the very first time again?

After all the searching, the testing, the experimenting, the adventures, what they ended looking for was what they already had. If it were me, I couldn’t script a romance better than that.

-Patrick Law

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Cheating On Each Other (With Each Other)

  1. Wow. I never heard about this story. But I couldn’t agree more with you. People always say how their relationship can’t be rekindled and the love just isn’t there. But yet we see in this instance it WAS rekindled, and in a roundabout destined sort of way. What are the odds indeed?

    What a sad end to what could have been a beautiful story. Thanks for the post and the read! : )

  2. Hello Joyfulpraisegirl,
    Thanks for visiting this blog and taking time to read this story. I also enjoy your optimistic outlook, and the use of the word ‘rekindled’ that I think really describes this situation well. Often we’re always in search of something new, something totally different, but maybe we should be looking at opportunities to ‘rekindle’, and value all that we already have.
    -patrick

  3. Yeah, you’re right…it should have ended up better, but it is a good point that people can get a spark going again. After 30 some years with the same man, we still giggle and have fun and argue and get over it and enjoy time together. I think too often people give up easily instead of working at their marriage as hard as they work at their job or home or raising their kids. Good comments!

  4. mistermanly

    Hi PL,

    There was a song back in the 80s with that theme, The Pina Colada Song by Jimmy Buffett which, if memory serves, was covered by Rupert Holmes with more success. The basic details of the story were the same except, of course, the cheating connection was made via personal ads instead of the Internet. This leads me to suspect the story you heard might questionable. By the way, cheating on your wife and pina coladas are definitely not manly.

    Mister Manly

  5. dolf

    What the hell- I’ll take a crack at it from my slightly more jaded perspective. Could you ever really trust each other again. Yes, in a fairy tale or Hollywood movie the couple would realize that it was the other they had been searching for and all would be forgiven. The simple truth is that if you (and she) were willing to cheat once have they cheated before? How long until the silver lining on the cloud of cheating became dull and she (or you) started looking again?

    If the story is true it would suggest that there was some event in the marriage that occurred to lead both of them to look outside of the marriage at the same time (assuming that this was the first that either looked outside of the marriage for “comfort”) Meeting one another while making an attempt to cheat would not fix the marriage and I could see it contributing to an atmosphere of mistrust.

    The other thing to keep in mind is that neither was looking for somebody they would marry necessarily when they were posting online. The were discovering that she likes vanilla ice cream while he really prefers strawberry- not the stuff that would save a marriage. I would like to say that they should have seen the positive, but knowing human nature (and, perhaps, my own biases,) lead me to take the less optimistic side.

  6. Sheri,
    Glad to hear you still have that spark after 30 years. While it may be tempting to look for adventure, curiosity, risk, and that elevated heart rate, I think it means more to find those things within the comforts of someone you’ve shared 30 years with. There’s definitely something to be said about familiarity, loyalty, and that which makes us look forward to coming home. Whatever we try to seek for one night, while it may be great night, cannot never replace what has been built for 30 years.

    Mr Manly,
    Thanks for some references and potential sources that have similar themes. Totally didn’t know there was a song origin to this. Although, especially considering Dolf’s comments about the romantic ideal and Hollywood script, maybe surprised there are not more movies, songs, poems, on this theme. There probably are, hehehe.

    Dolf,
    Your comments are very much needed! Thank you, and we totally always appreciate you giving the other perspective. No worries about your biases, cause certainly my interpretation, and some views from others, have been biased towards the overly optimistic and ideal.

    You are right. I admit, sometimes I do need a slap in the face. I hinted that cheating on somebody with the same person would be my ideal romance. Chances are I’m not even going to get close to starting a relationship if I go in with that kind of thinking.

    Indeed the story, and my interpretation of it, highlights and places too much emphasis on the end – them finding each other again. But, you are right in pointing out that doesn’t make up for all the stuff, the causes, the problems, the tensions that lead to the circumstances to look elsewhere in the first place. If them meeting again, and discovering, leads to exploration and resolution of their problems, then indeed…could have a happy, almost ideal ending. In their story, divorce was the result. And perhaps the majority of ‘real life’ situations would end up in divorce as well.

    I think I dream too much. And throwing away too many ‘realistic’ opportunities because I am stuck in the ideal? You made me think, Dolf…you made me think…
    -patrick

  7. Shkitty

    I’ve always valued honesty and integrity above all else. My whole view in life is treat every one else how you want to be treated. As I fully agree in karma, if one side is the dishonest (in this case cheating) party I believe what goes around comes around in the end. Value someone elses feelings and you will attract people that value yours for the most part.
    The subject of cheating is a tough one for me to relate to since I don’t believe in it at all. I do find other women attractive but there’s no way I’d ever throw away something this good for something so meaningless. The whole thing is just stupidity to me but as some people have a self detructive nature to them, the idea that some would do something that stupid is not that far fetched. To me these are the same people that would fall prey to silly addictions like alcoholism, drugs and gambling.
    I’ve heard over in europe that people are something like four times as likely to cheat over there perhaps due to the lax culture (hours long lunches and less hectic pace). I keep myself so busy that I can’t even keep up with one relationship sometimes, much less several.

  8. Shkitty,
    Another good dose of reality in your comments. Indeed, with such busy lifestyles, wouldn’t pushing one relationship with all our efforts, intensity, and passion, leave us too exhausted to consider another one?

    And if consider many partners simultaneously, does that mean not experiencing anything to the fullest with anyone? And we are eventually left with disappointments, looking over our shoulders, and half-hearted efforts?

    However, from another perspective, what do you think of people who say that considering other partners or at least the threat of that…actually enhances the relationship with your current partner?

    -patrick

  9. ardiansyahputra

    Nice Story….
    ‘Cheating On Each Other (With Each Other)’ makes anyone mad

  10. Hello Ardian,
    Thanks for visiting the blog. Do you mean that people are extra angry if they cheat with someone that they are actually already with to begin with?

    So, when they see each others’ faces and come to the realization, they get extra disappointed they are actually not liaising with someone different?

    Hmmm…
    -pat

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