Sorry, I’m Late. Traffic Congestion. Where? (Points and clicks at temple)

Oh my God! Late for work! What time is it? It’s just late! Simply late! What to do? Oh please, please, please run into a traffic jam. Yes! Yes! I am stuck in traffic! Never mind the fact that I woke up before the alarm, as usual, and stayed in bed thinking after stopping the alarm. And then some. Never mind that. Because now, it’s all irrelevant because I have a new cause outside my control. Traffic!

Wait, this may not cut it anymore. Maybe 5-10 years ago? But, not today. Not in today’s Calgary. Booming, growing, exploding city. I’m going to have to do better than that to satisfy my boss. Being stuck in normal rush hour traffic is not an acceptable excuse in the Calgary of today. Those at work will just tell me to leave earlier, wake up earlier. (Little do they know that I wake up real early but just have so much to do, so much to think about, so much to attempt to squeeze in before work erases my fantasies; don’t get me wrong, work is pretty good and not a tyrant, but it just happens to fall immeasurably short of my dreams)

Come on, now! Think creatively! I need an out. Why is it so backed up? Come on! Yes…turn on the radio! Oh yes! Oh, please, please, please God, let there be some kind of accident. Shoot, sorry, I apologize. That didn’t come out too kindly. I don’t mean to wish there be a major accident for my selfish purposes. Just…just..just..well…do you know those situations when traffic is backed up and you stretch and elongate your neck to try to see far into the distance expecting some kind of incident?

Okay, how about this? Oh God, oh please, please, please God, I wish there to be a stalled vehicle blocking the turning lane, causing an insurmountable delay. So, I listen intently on the radio with unwavering focus trying to find evidence for my late arrival to work. Nothing yet. Nothing still. Still nothing! What! I need something to be reported on my route that everyone at work is familiar with. Please! Please?

If coworkers hear about an accident or a stall on my route on their radio at work, then they’ll collectively nod in agreement and understanding as to why my chair remains empty. The irony is obviously not lost on me about how I’m ridiculously praying for an accident to save my life. What would God think about this? Again, as if to alleviate some of the guilt within me, I emphasize that by accident, I mean stall, or flat tire, or a truck losing its load – no bodily injuries!

I know what God thinks. He’s not impressed because I’m not getting any answer. None. Sometimes God speaks through the voices of others. Nope, none. God’s not on the radio. The traffic reporter listed a lengthy Christmas list of stalls, flat tires, non-functioning traffic lights, but nothing on my side of the city. Damn!

I don’t need no official statistical census to tell me that Calgary is growing. Many years ago, a traffic jam like this would surely mean some accident or out of the ordinary incident somewhere, and it would be reported on the radio. These days, however, this kind of traffic is simply just volume – not worth a second of airtime.

My coworkers are not going to be impressed. What should I do, what should I do? I have a thought. Yes. I drive a standard. I am not coordinated. Whoops, I let go of the clutch too soon, and I stall. Yes. And then I shall put my hazard lights on and check under my hood acting all confused? No. No, I don’t. I will just continue to drive to work inch by inch.

I’m no sociopath; I’m just a blogger with fantasies…

-Patrick Law

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10 Comments

Filed under Detours: Psychology of Driving, Working

10 responses to “Sorry, I’m Late. Traffic Congestion. Where? (Points and clicks at temple)

  1. Hello Indeks,
    Thanks for coming to this blog. I can only hope my coworkers see the humor out of all this.
    -patrick

  2. Shkitty

    Sounds to me like you’re not someone who’s late often. This punctuality is an admirable trait to me because I see more and more people who don’t take their jobs that seriously and the chain reaction that their attitudes set off in our modern society is why good hard workers like myself feel the burden of picking up their slack.
    I hope your boss didn’t give you too much grief. I hope they realize that nowadays people are lucky to work with someone who takes such a professional behavior to the work place.
    That being said I am hardly every late as my job requires that I consistently get all my work done. Therefore the later I leave for work, the later I get home in the evening. Talk about motivation!

  3. Hey Shkitty,
    Unfortunately, yeh, I’m not late often, and the routine can get a bit mundane at times, so I’m almost searching for things to think about on my drive for stimulation. During one drive, the above post is what I thought about. However, I never have the courage to act it out.

    I really, really want to rebel. But all I can do is write out the potential.

    Sorry,
    -patrick

  4. This is why I take the bus 🙂

    If I am late.. it’s never my fault. hahahaha

    well… except when I miss the bus… but even then – IT WAS RUNNING EARLY!

  5. Gina,
    Yeh..I guess if public transportation has problems, then it provides convenient reason to the employer.

    How about those occasions when we don’t want to be late…and it doesn’t matter the employer’s impressions? If you’re going to be late, do you prefer to be stuck in your car or on the bus?

    In a car, maybe you have more control…take another route? Speed when traffic clears to make up for lost time? Easier to blame yourself for the decisions on route and drive timing?

    In a bus, it’s out of your hands. But at least you’re not wasting gas? It’s easier to read or do other activities? Camaraderie between passengers?

    The other day I got the best, or worst, of both worlds. I drove my car to park at the train station. The car got delayed in traffic; and then the train had mechanical failures.

    Why does my blog smile when this happens?
    -Patrick

  6. hahaha oh man… that is definitely a double header…. traffic and then mechanical difficulties… maybe something was telling you that you weren’t supposed to be at work that morning for some reason…

  7. Gina,
    Hehe, unfortunately, don’t you find that usually it’s not work that pays the price? In today’s world of work anywhere, work anytime, no matter how late we are, work eventually will get done.

    What hurts is that everything gets pushed back..and what really suffers is the free time..the total leisure time from 8-11. All the energy expenditure during the day trying to get from A to B via CDEFGH….. even if work gets caught up and done… does that mean being too exhausted to free write, live with abandon, and euphorically run up hills before the sun sets?

    So, we try to do some of these thrills in the early morning instead, to get it in, and end up starting work late…and getting stuck in traffic…

    Is this what they call a cycle? Well, to rebel, next workout session, I’m going to work so hard on improving my backpedaling.
    -patrick

  8. I ALWAYS do that when i hit traffic, i make up some reason that i had to take an alternate route, and the alternate route had some major accident.. sometimes i “accidentally”go all the way across town because ihad to drop something off, and “hit traffic” on my way back….

  9. Hey Sarah,
    Thanks for visiting this blog. Yeh…your comments remind me of the expression: “So and so accidentally on purpose did such and such….” Hehehee…

    We see it in sports all the time when someone commits a foul, throws up hands, to make it look like a total unintended accident.

    With gas prices being so high these days, might you and I have to come up with other rationalizations? Hmmm….
    Perhaps Gina’s bus trips might be of consideration, as we “accidentally” choose routes and bus numbers that involve numerous transfers and missing connections.
    -patrick

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